Now is 3.15am in the morning of 8/7/2011. I don't know what's on my mind. Have anyone been through this? There is many "WH" questions appear in my mind nowadays. Lets take a look:
1) What am I doing now posting this? insane? out of my mind?
2) Who am I really is?
3) What's bothering me?
4) Why everyone is judging my decision? am I wrong?
5) What makes human think they can judge each other?
6) Why am I so scare to see what that person reply me?
7) Why am I emotional break down cant sleep?
8) What is life and fate?
9) What is love?
10) What is promise?
11) What is forever?
12) What am i trying to do now?
13) why must there be torture?
14) why must there be confuse?
15) Why must there be guy and girl?
16) What is studies?
17) Why human must choose their path?
18) What am I having here now?
19) Why must there be a marriage?
20) Why must there be a family?
All these questions is never been off my brain. I don't even know how to answer. Who knows? LOVE, what is love actually? why there is love in this world? why must be a boy and a girl? Does God really created these what we call love? bonding? soul mates?
I really don't know.
Pathway? seniors always say choose your pathway properly. Why? Why must choose but not letting it naturally comes into humans? Why must have decisions?
Suddenly at this second, I want to share a story, about a girl.
She was born in early 90's. Everyone thinks that she is a cute adorable baby.
Fair skin and big eyes.
She grow up in a normal family not to say rich but just a very normal family.
Life since to change when she step into high school. How does it change?
People do say that she's pretty. But to her, she's just nothing but just a girl.
She's playful, that's the main. Very playful.
She have a lot of bf change around her.
Everyone spread rumours about her which is the worst of nightmare.
Got people say she's a slut. Other's say she's a bitch. Come to worst play girl.
People who know her, thinks she's nice, friendly.
But I can say, you all are wrong.
This girl is me.
Everyone will be surprise I'm posting this.
Don't think that I'm trying to get any pity from anyone.
I just want to be honest.
Ya, I'm definitely not good, not at all.
To people out there, I'm just a playgirl changing bf here and there.
Maybe everyone is right. I'm just a bitch.
Friends always tell me, don't care what other people say, as long as you think you are right then it's enough said. Love yourself first for others to love you.
Seriously, maybe I really don't know how to love myself or even love a person.
I always think that what you do now doesn't effect you.
Actually it does effect your entire life.
I realise actually I'm a very stubborn person.
Attitude wise, I'm the worst among girls. BAD TEMPER!
Am i suppose to change my lifestyle?
Yes, definitely I got to change my lifestyle and my attitude.
My life is been a mess. Very mess for the entire time that I have.
I got to learn to love myself before loving a person.
I got to learn when to stop and what to stop.
I got to learn what is suppose to do and what is not suppose to be do.
I got to learn to open eyes to see things around me.
I got to learn to trust my decisions and don't doubt by words.
I got to learn to be happy all the time.
I got to learn to control temper and tend to let go it in other way.
I got to learn to talk politely.
I got to know what am I suppose to do now.
I got to learn to appreciate things that I had.
Decisions makes you grow. Decisions make you learn things.
It's time to stop playing around and be serious with what I'm going to do.
It's time to protect myself and clear the bad image in my mind.
Life is not only about love.
Life is about everything you do and get and you face every single second everyday.
Life is never easy.
It's fact that you need to been through a lot to be mature and to think wisely.
I'm not mature and not rational in thinking.
It's time to take a step outwards to walk and don't look back.
What is done than its done.
There is nothing I can do what I did before, but just look forward and be better.
I want to take this opportunity to say few things.
To my friend, Eve Oh, babe don't cry. Don't try to let go your life. You always tell me life is always colourful just depends on how you look at it. You have me and alexis and everyone else. It's not the end of the world. Stand up with you own feet to walk. As a friend of yours, I will always be holding you and walk. Because we are FRIENDS that can never break the bond apart. I love you babe.
Second thing will be apologise.
I want to apologise to all my ex.
I'm sorry that i had broken you guys heart and be stubborn and playful when I was with you all. I sincerely apologise for the mistakes I did. I know time can't be turn back. I didn't expect you all to forgive. But I wish each of you out there, have a better life and take care.
Last thing will also be apologise.
This time I want to apologise to everyone.
I, Jasmine Choong want to say I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for my attitude and what have I done before that make every single one out there to get mad and hate me. I sincerely say sorry. I not trying to grand anything from anyone but it just a message that deep down inside me I wish to say. I know no one will read this post that I writing now but I do hope everyone can feel that I say sorry. I will learn from my mistakes to be a better person. I will take my first step out from what I am now to walk to a brighter side. I'm sorry.
No comments:
Post a Comment