Sudden urge

Just read a post from a best friend of mine. Definitely she is not wrong in what she say, but I believe to make changes it does take a lot of courages and also it takes plenty of time. For me, I think my self-esteem is low. People who know me do you believe? There are plenty of things I hate about myself actually. (I'm being honest listing all out now) lets see:

1) I definitely hate the sluttish me.
2) I definitely also hate my own personality which is materialistic all the time.
3) I definitely hate they way I handle my relationship & friendship. (SUCKS)
4) I definitely hate myself telling lie to lie to cover another lie (MOST HATE)
5) I definitely hate my sociality style, it does make big difference.
6) I definitely hate the attitude I'm having time to time, who thinks everyone will like me (BULL SHIT)
7) I definitely hate my tears that fall out easily (CRY BABY)
8) I definitely hate that I keep searching a person to rely on! (IDIOT)
9) I definitely hate the way I am now acting nothing yet actually there is something in me. (STUPID)
10) I definitely hate the most is ME MYSELF!

There you go, an honest me writing what I hate about myself (NEVER LIE). All honest words.
To everyone who know me, especially my best friend you know who you are, I know you all know me very very well but there is sometimes you never know about me. I do apologise if I ever hurt any of you out there. I think is time for me to change the way I handle things, that will definitely make me feel more happy then what I am now..Am I correct?

Definitely I want to thank a person who name GILLIAN YUEN who is my friend for not long but is also the one I appreciate the most in my uni now because she is always there to listen to my STUPID lame attitude and stupid stories and always help me out in everything. Just wish to thanks her sincerely. SMURF you always gillian!

There is it for tonight...I do praying hard for a change in me...will anyone support me?

"WH" Questions and LOVE

Now is 3.15am in the morning of 8/7/2011. I don't know what's on my mind. Have anyone been through this? There is many "WH" questions appear in my mind nowadays. Lets take a look:

1) What am I doing now posting this? insane? out of my mind?

2) Who am I really is?

3) What's bothering me?

4) Why everyone is judging my decision? am I wrong?

5) What makes human think they can judge each other?

6) Why am I so scare to see what that person reply me? 

7) Why am I emotional break down cant sleep?

8) What is life and fate?

9) What is love?

10) What is promise?

11) What is forever?

12) What am i trying to do now?

13) why must there be torture?

14) why must there be confuse?

15) Why must there be guy and girl?

16) What is studies?

17) Why human must choose their path?

18) What am I having here now?

19) Why must there be a marriage?

20) Why must there be a family?

All these questions is never been off my brain. I don't even know how to answer. Who knows? LOVE, what is love actually? why there is love in this world? why must be a boy and a girl? Does God really created these what we call love? bonding? soul mates?

I really don't know. 

Pathway? seniors always say choose your pathway properly. Why? Why must choose but not letting it naturally comes into humans? Why must have decisions?

Suddenly at this second, I want to share a story, about a girl.

She was born in early 90's. Everyone thinks that she is a cute adorable baby.

 Fair skin and big eyes. 

She grow up in a normal family not to say rich but just a very normal family. 

Life since to change when she step into high school. How does it change? 

People do say that she's pretty. But to her, she's just nothing but just a girl.

She's playful, that's the main. Very playful.

She have a lot of bf change around her. 

Everyone spread rumours about her which is the worst of nightmare.

Got people say she's a slut. Other's say she's a bitch. Come to worst play girl.

People who know her, thinks she's nice, friendly. 

But I can say, you all are wrong.

This girl is me.

Everyone will be surprise I'm posting this.

Don't think that I'm trying to get any pity from anyone.

I just want to be honest.

Ya, I'm definitely not good, not at all.

To people out there, I'm just a playgirl changing bf here and there.

Maybe everyone is right. I'm just a bitch.

Friends always tell me, don't care what other people say, as long as you think you are right then it's enough said. Love yourself first for others to love you.

Seriously, maybe I really don't know how to love myself or even love a person.

I always think that what you do now doesn't effect you.

Actually it does effect your entire life.

I realise actually I'm a very stubborn person. 

Attitude wise, I'm the worst among girls. BAD TEMPER!

Am i suppose to change my lifestyle?

Yes, definitely I got to change my lifestyle and my attitude.

My life is been a mess. Very mess for the entire time that I have.

I got to learn to love myself before loving a person.

I got to learn when to stop and what to stop.

I got to learn what is suppose to do and what is not suppose to be do.

I got to learn to open eyes to see things around me.

I got to learn to trust my decisions and don't doubt by words.

I got to learn to be happy all the time.

I got to learn to control temper and tend to let go it in other way.

I got to learn to talk politely.

I got to know what am I suppose to do now.

I got to learn to appreciate things that I had.

Decisions makes you grow. Decisions make you learn things.

It's time to stop playing around and be serious with what I'm going to do.

It's time to protect myself and clear the bad image in my mind.

Life is not only about love. 

Life is about everything you do and get and you face every single second everyday.

Life is never easy.

It's fact that you need to been through a lot to be mature and to think wisely.

I'm not mature and not rational in thinking.

It's time to take a step outwards to walk and don't look back.

What is done than its done.

There is nothing I can do what I did before, but just look forward and be better.

I want to take this opportunity to say few things.

To my friend, Eve Oh, babe don't cry. Don't try to let go your life. You always tell me life is always colourful just depends on how you look at it. You have me and alexis and everyone else. It's not the end of the world. Stand up with you own feet to walk. As a friend of yours, I will always be holding you and walk. Because we are FRIENDS that can never break the bond apart. I love you babe.

Second thing will be apologise. 

I want to apologise to all my ex.

I'm sorry that i had broken you guys heart and be stubborn and playful when I was with you all. I sincerely apologise for the mistakes I did. I know time can't be turn back. I didn't expect you all to forgive. But I wish each of you out there, have a better life and take care.

Last thing will also be apologise.

This time I want to apologise to everyone.

I, Jasmine Choong want to say I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for my attitude and what have I done before that make every single one out there to get mad and hate me. I sincerely say sorry. I not trying to grand anything from anyone but it just a message that deep down inside me I wish to say. I know no one will read this post that I writing now but I do hope everyone can feel that I say sorry. I will learn from my mistakes to be a better person. I will take my first step out from what I am now to walk to a brighter side. I'm sorry.

Fights

It's been long i didn't blog...hmm...today got a feeling to blog...and feel like talking about fights...got which couple dun fight? Got which day which hour there will be no couple fight? Hmm...but i think...it's normal there is also break up scene everyday...actually is true..when it comes to a person think that ur the other half dun put in effort how to work? But have u all ever really look at ur other half did he/she really didn't give in any? Anyone can have anger words mean words...but after that what comes into the end? Maybe a relation must learn how tonrespect...give way...but not over control...everyone has their own space...own territory own limits...once cross over...everything will flare like no ppl's business...not mah? Don't because a tear fall u tend to put simpity on anyone...but still...no matter how have friends is Bette better than having enemy...communicate is always the most important thing...fight is always have...don't let ur tear fall but yet learn from it...cheers :)

relationship is never easy

Its been long never post anything,so...what am i going to post today?

LOVE? RELATIONSHIP? MARRIAGE?

all this 3, is never easy to handle or even can say that its never been easy to go through.

there will be a lot of consequences or even there will be a lot a lot of hump...

sometimes you might learn from it, but sometimes you never learn anything. Just like me. surprise? dont need to be surprise...im just an ordinary girl that need to be learn from mistakes. but it seems that i never learn...i keep hurting ppl around me no matter how much they care about me. i tend to bring hurt to their life. seriously am i really that bad that not understanding? basically, i am! i never care about other half feelings. keep standing still like a princess.

sorry is never useful but i still wanna say certain things.

sorry for being so harsh,

sorry for not thinking about your feeling,

sorry for pushing u too much,

sorry for not being caring,

sorry for not being myself that brings pain to u,

sorry for everything

I'm confuse

what should i say about it today? what u all think had happen? hurt? tears? pain?

today is....binggo....all in together....which i can never express it out....just keep inside me....

make it this way...my brain now is full of doubt...full of question that i never dare to ask or even dare to say it out loud...because it will cause more arguement....

when i keep asking....it does make a person piss off....but when i tend to dun ask....the person will just say...do what u think is correct...im confuse...that person is want me to ask or dun want me to ask? that person got a lot a lot of stress which makes me feel its bothering....faught about it yesterday...today thought it will be better...but it doesnt....why? why will like this?? faking? i smile is just dun want that person have more stress by thinking how to make me smile...is that wrong either? i'm not ok....i say out...it will make it even worst...bcos i know my attitude....deeply inside me....im sad...im hurt...im in pain...but what can i do? is what i choose....i throw everything just to try make that person better....but is like never work...but i never give up either...cos i know...one day i can make it right...jasmine choong wont give up!!! she wont!!! did u all hear me??? I WONT GIVE UP!!!

Arguements

Its been long i never post anything...guess is time to come back to my own story...

today i want to talk about arguements....hmm...what u all think about arguements? any comment?

mine arguements has never come to an end...i dunno why and i dunno how to solve...is always because of me...my ego...my naive...my attitude....my words...i tend to hurt ppl till myself never notice about anything...i hurt ppl without knowing how deep is it....to ppl...i might had sumthing in me...but in me...im nothing but just a girl inside me...

I'm fragile...whose not? everyone is fragile...everyone hold on to sumthing to make them secure....what makes me not? am i tough enough in front of every single one of u? or am i just nice to let everyone see my falling my tears off?

seriously...i never tend to hide things when i started saying im not gonna hide...i break ppl's trust...but i did try gain it back...didnt i? or i just did not enough??

a word can describe me....FAILURE!

happy birthday....

Another 20 mins...my life will be starting with the age of 20....happy birthday to myself...first....before my birthday ends...i wanna say thank u to all my friends who spend their quality time to celebrate with me...i know u all try very hard to make me smile...certain person who know me...will know why i cant smile...sis...u should know what am i talking about...but still...im thankful that u all celebrate for me...although is just a simple dinner...but it mean much to me....thanks guys n gals...love u all to the max!!

well...its time to write sumthing i felt in my heart...birthday...everyone have a day which is their birthday...some might celebrate with friends...some might celebrate with families...some will celebrate with love ones....or mayb some wont have any celebration...actually...no matter how u celebrate...or with who...as long as ur heart felt happy is enough...its been 3 years i didnt smile for my birthday..to me now...no matter what day o what date or what anniversary or what special day...its like nothing to me...mayb bcos i never found what i really want...human needsare unlimited i guess...each person life and needs are not under control...we wih for many things...bunt whta we can get is limited...u wish to get more yet u might lose sumthing important...isnt it? or am i just telling a lie to myself??

actually i dunno what am i trying to state or what am i thinking...im totally stuck...brain stuck...cant function...just felt so blur...cant even know what i want...gosh...im just talking crap...but still...two last word before i end my blog for today....HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!